What Hurts The Most
by JForward
Summary: My first ever songfic! Yay! D Doctor muses on losing Rose while listening to What Hurts The Most :D


Title: What Hurts The Most

Summary: My first ever songfic! Yay!  Doctor muses on losing Rose while listening to What Hurts The Most :D  
I do not own Doctor who. Mores the pity.

Oh, and, randomly, I'm looking for a catchphrase. Any ideas? Reviews with ideas get extra cookies.

The Doctor sighed, running a hand through his hair. One year to the day that Doomsday had happened.  
One year without Rose.  
Merely days after Martha had left, and he was still thinking of Rose. Of the one minute silence he had just witnessed, stood while millions of people across the globe stood in silence. Sighing again, he sat on the captain's chair in the TARDIS, staring across at the scanner. Slowly, music started up. Tilting his head back, the Doctor closed his eyes and listened.

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, that don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out  
I'm not afraid to cry  
Every once in a while even though going on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days  
Every now and again I pretend I'm okay but that's not what gets me  
_

He opened his eyes, but did not see. All he could see was in his mind; standing in the rain, staring over at the beautiful view from a clifftop at the golden seas of a distant planet.  
The time he was so full of pain, struggling with nightmares from his past, she made him tell her… she listened, even though he had pretended he was fine…

_What hurts the most, was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
Never knowing, what could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do_

He loved her; oh he had loved her so much. He had never seen it, never known. And it hurt, oh yes, it hurt so much. Being so close, he was so close to telling her after saying goodbye. She hadn't walked away, she had been pulled away from him, and he had never known how fabulous it could have been.

_It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doing it  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still harder gettin' up, getting' dressed, livin' with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart that I left unspoken_

They thought she was dead. Those who had thought she had been dating him had smiled sadly at him, thinking he was dealing with a loss. If she was dead, though, he could move on. But he knew in the other world, her heart, her pathetic human heart, was still beating, keeping her going. Working for torchwood. Every day he had felt the pain, hating himself for letting it happen. But he was living with it. For her.

_What hurts the most, is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
Never knowing, what could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do  
_

But he had known. Oh, he had known, ever since she held his hand, stood in the falling ash from the spaceship. Even his hate for that murder had been pushed away in that moment, her soft hand slipping into his, fitting oh-so-perfectly and snugly.

_Oooooheyeahhhh_  
_What hurts the most, was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing, what could have been   
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do _

Tears were trailing down his face now. A minutes silence; inadequate for so much death. So many people torn apart because of beings without hearts and without souls.

_Not seeing that loving you  
that's what I was trying to do…  
Ooooohh yeaahhh_

The Doctor stood as the song faded, the tears still rolling down his face as he left the console room, knowing at least that she was still fighting, for him. Because he knew she was fighting the battles. Staring into his mirror, he whispered his final sentence to her. "Rose Tyler" he murmured, to his own tearstreaked image. "I love you." 

Press the purple-blue button.  
Aw, I made myself cry ;

It works if you listen to the song at the same time.


End file.
